Thursday, July 22, 2010


I understand the value of word " Maa", when my mummy is not here with me . Though I talk to her daily but I miss her a lot. Here's a poem I wrote for my sweet mom.





Wednesday, July 21, 2010

The last lecture

Yesterday I was watching late Professor Randy Pausch's Last Lecture videos. Its one of the most inspiring lectures I have ever listened to. Here are a few quotes by him :

"The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough".

"Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted"

"When you see yourself doing something badly and nobody’s bothering to tell you anymore, that’s a very bad place to be. Your critics are your ones telling you they still love you and care"

"Have something to bring to the table, because that will make you more welcome."..

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Day 5 & Day:6

Abhi is not at home with me. No more work from home for him :( but he makes sure I take all my medicines on time. I have a mild headache that makes me sleep for long hours. I still have the pain but my face is showing some signs of recovery. I was going through some websites and articles about Bells Palsy, which have clearly mentioned that there may be an increase or a decrease in pain in patients who are recovering because the numbness and paralysis that they had previously experienced is subsiding. So, I am not so worried about it.

I can now close my right eye quite properly and eat on my own. :) very soon , a physiotherapist will be assigned by the hospital who I need to visit on weekends. :)

Monday, July 19, 2010

Day: 5

Sunday is meant to be a funday but of-late for me its more of a rest day. As I was totally fed up of sitting at home and doing nothing except eating healthy food or popping medicines, I needed a real good break. Abhi had told me about a small pretty village in Fife region, called North Queensferry, which houses the Scotland's National aquarium. I was all ready to explore it. Its a picturesque village, and all you can hear on its winding roads is the soothing rustling of leaves. Thanks to Abhi's new phone, which guided us to the SEA World. This is for the first time in my life I had seen incredibly beautiful fishes, frogs, crabs, lobsters and, above all, deadly sharks. The underwater glass tunnel was just out of the world. People were going crazy seeing those ferocious animals swimming majestically above them. A great experience indeed. for a while I had totally forgotten about my head ache and palsy. I was putting my best efforts to express my joy, fear and surprise after seeing that place. Abhi took some pics of mine but I was so reluctant to get clicked. :). I could feel a lot of pain on the right side of the face. But somehow I managed it as I didnt want to compromise with the fun and masti.

Meanwhile I got a call from Akshay who had just watched "Inception" and gave a terrific review about it. We were so pumped up that we boarded the train to Edinburgh and bought movie tickets and we were in the Q for the next show. Inception, the film, is a contemporary sci-fi actioner set within the architecture of the mind. The concept was very unique and complex that there was a pin drop silence in the hall, may be everybody was equally confused as I was. It talked about planting an idea in to someone's mind, which is not real. the action was mind blowing and brilliant. but nothing seemed to be getting in to my mind as I was so much distracted with my severe headache. Somehow I managed to spend two hours there.

I called up Abhi's frnd, Kshitij,who is a surgeon. He told me the pain was normal and it happens when the body is in recovery mode. I was bit relaxed then but was still worried about my health. Pain is the part of my life now and I am learning to live with it. But, as per doc, it is a temporary phase and everything will be fine soon. :)


Saturday, July 17, 2010

Day :4

I went to the hospital today. My doc was a lovely Scottish lady who had full sympathy with me " Rakhi you must be feeling very bad, it been just a month to you in Kirkcaldy and all this happened". Anyway,considering my last report she could see a little improvement in my eye now but she cant say how much time would it take to recover completely. She just kept appreciating my courage and patience. tht's all anyone could do :).. I have serious pain in my mouth as I could not open it properly. its kinda punishment. It seems as if somebody has chocked my mouth with cotton. Its horrible. I know its a tough game to win but I will win :)

Friday, July 16, 2010

Abhi' dhamaal:)

Oh my god, never expected abhi would go crazy like this. I just made him listen to local harayanvi folk song. And now he listens to it all the time. God can't help it even I hv to bear it with him whole day.
Here it is :)

He is so impressed with the acting skills of the small girl featured in this video :) uski fav ho gayi hai wo :)

Smile plsss:) it means a lot

I know the worth of gestures now. They seem to be so insigificant and easy when we are in a position to express ourselves. But now I know how much does it take to smile. It's not just a gesture it's warm feeling of love and compassion. A face without a smile looks so frozen. A little stretch  of lips make us look so beautiful and full of life.
 Now I know what does a million dollar smile mean:) so smile as much as you can as it's one of the best gestures through which we can show our happiness, and love for our near and dear ones.


Day3: A beautiful start tothe day with a yummy breakfast and abhi besides me and his out of the worl pj's. Abhi's parents make sure to talk to me thrice in a day. It was time to call them up. Their utmost love and care make me more strong and positive. I love the way my father in law boosts up my confidence" arey tu to mera strong Baccha hai, har na maan beta, sab accha Hoga" . My mother in law makes sure I m not taking any tension. Everything happens for a reason. Indeed it does.
Iam simply loving sharing this problem of mine with my friends. I know they all are praying for my well being and it's just because of them I am so very positive and calm. Akshay my sweet brother calls me up daily in the morning and we chat for long. About my recovery, Abhi, rashmi, poonam, rahul, .....,......:)my most awaited indiA trip. I am so very close to my loved ones right now. Though they are not here but I can feel their presence, I can feel akshay's big hugs for me, I can feel the wetness on my cheeks,may be thts rashmi's honey wali kiss for me or ralu ka pucchi. I am on steriods which make me very lazy. I don't feel like doing any physical work and all I want to do is just sleep and think about all my loved ones .                               

Thursday, July 15, 2010


Today was quite a peaceful and positive day. Abhi and I woke up early in the morning and went for a walk. It was very pleasant and I could feel a light drizzle on my face. There is a little improvement in my headache and I am just trying to eat and drink on my own. Waiting for the day when I will feel some movement in my lips and eye. keeping my fingers crossed :)

Day :1

Day 1: day one was very difficult for me as I was still fighting with the reality and somehow coudnt accept it. Abhi was making every possible effort to keep me happy. To divert my mind from thinking about it I preferred calling up all my loved ones. And akshay undoubtedly tops the list. He is my alterego. Then mummy papa, poonam bebo, my lulu, my sweet mother in law, sippa papa......Any my ralu baby Anyway there's is no end to my list. I decided that I would not think much about it and would get back to my normal routine, however I hv taken a long break from my office work as I could not focus on pc for long. Thanks to abhi who is working from home for more than a week. I hv somebdy to talk to me all the time and take good care of me. Yesterday I again took the charge of the kitchen and was back with my great recepies. I love when abhi praises my cooking. It's amazing. I made rajma chawal yesterday but it didn't taste that good to me as i could not sense the taste anymore. My poor tastebuds. But I enjoyed my rajma chawal to the fullest. Abhi liked it very much. I am taking all the medicines on time and trying to keep myself free from tension and worries. These days abhi takes out time and plays guitar very often. Yes he was playing the song " pankhon ko Hawa Zara si", my eyes were wet again. He consoled me and pepped up my spirits. Love you so much abhi :) 

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Life positive

Hey akshay, you were asking me to start blogging about my experience of living in a foriegn local,which is breathtakingly beautiful. Scotland is my new home. But unfortunately I am doing so after this traumatic incident which actually tried to make me weak but iam sure it woudnt never win against me. I am having great time here with my hubby but nothing can soothe the pain that I feel when I think of my home, my parents, and my so many loved ones. May be this emotional stress was taking a toll over me for quite a few days. I had been suferring from a serious and unbearable headache for last three days but could not make it out in which part of brain was paining. It seemed like thousands of ants are eating away my brain and a long long syringe has been pierced into my right ear. Totally ignorant about what was hapening to me, I was totally into my daily household chores and activities. Yesterday , while I was preparing breakfast for abhi, I suddenly noticed I was unable to close my right eye. I thought it might be because of not sleeping properly for last few days. I was again taking lightly untill I noticed my lips turning towards left and I was unable to speak anything properly. I was taken aback. Now it was no more a joke to me. Oh my god! I had lost my smile:(. Abhishek and I rushed to the nearby hospital without making any delays and approached the emergency department. Within half hour a pretty young doc attended me. Tears were drizzling from my eyes constantly and abhi was standing besides me holding my hand firmly. A little smile on his face convinced me that everything would be fine. Lindsey, my doc did a long check up and diagnosed me with an acute disease, called bell's pasly because of which the right side of face had become paralytic. I was totally into shock and my brain had gone numb. Why on the earth it happenned to me but life is unexpected and anything can happen. She told me to have patience as this disease is 99 percnt curable. I was so negative that I was just thinking about that one percent. We came back home. I was still in to depression. Things got worst when I could not eat properly. Water was drooling out of my mouth and that was hell , believe me. Abhi was helping me out with it feeding me with a spoon. I was looking at him and crying. I could not utter a single word how it felt. I dint like seeing myself in to the mirror with a distorted face. Suddenly the mirror had become my biggest enemy. With my broken and not so clear words and tear filled eyes I was just repeating onething to abhishek; abhi I have lost my smile!.
I dint want to disturb my parents with this news so I asked abhi to call up akshay and ask him to convey the message to my parents. Just to make sure everything was fine at home I called up my mom and talked to my mom. I could feel a lump in her throat. she asked me to come online on turn on the webcam. Just to chill me up and tell me how pretty I looked she showed to me marriage album. Though it was making me more depressed but I still loved watching it. Thts all my lovely mother could do.
Rashmi , poonam and askhay, you are my greatest support in life. Thanks to you all, gradually I am learning to
Cope up with it and just trying to keep myself patient. I can now imagine how my father dealt up with his paralytic hand. Papu ka strong baby Hun mein. I have not learnt to give up in my life. I have full fAith on my patience and strong will power that would make me get well soon very soon. Anyway my purpose of writing my experience is to create awareness about this dearful
and depressing disease. Please pray for me :) want to see myself smiling again confidently standing in the front of the mirror, and proudly telling myself, yes finally I am the winner. :)